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Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Deal or No Deal

Deal or No Deal first appeared on our screens in 2005 fronted by 90's Crinkly Bottom throwback Noel Edmonds, and since its inception it shows no sign of dying. The premise of the show is simple, there are 22 boxes containing prizes ranging from 1p to £250,000 and the contestant is responsible for eliminating the boxes one at a time in order to end up with a cash sum of money to take home. Depending on the outcome of the game, "The Banker" , an unseen man on the end of a phone will interject with offers to buy out the contestant, which will spark the question "Deal or no deal?". Whilst the concept sounds simple enough, the show has somehow evolved into a pseudo spiritual quest for everybody involved, so much so that Edmonds has branded the gormless audience as the "pilgrims". These are my top reasons for hating this culture of insanity and their narcissistic box Messiah...

  • Noel Edmonds- Noel Edmonds is the man responsible for injecting the show with its ridiculous element of spirituality, constantly professing that there are higher powers at work. He acts as the ringleader of his cult of "pilgrims", coining terms such as "the dream factory" and "the walk of wealth" and casually employing them into conversations like they're valid terms. I can't help but speculate on Noel Edmonds sanity when watching his erratic, often lunatic like approach to presenting. I cringe watching him desperately try to think of something original to say, as it seems that all of his sub par material was expunged years ago in the land of Crinkly Bottom and Mr Blobby.
  • The contestants- Deal or No Deal features 22 hapless cretins, all desperately trying to stamp their utterly forgettable personalities onto this hour long circle jerk with "witty" one liners and cringe worthy banter with Noel Edmonds. The contestants act like they're pumped full of laughing gas or have mainlined valium before the show started, nonsensically laughing and relieving themselves at every word uttered from Edmonds beardy mouth regardless of its meaning or relevance. Each contestant accepts responsibility for the box that they stand behind, apologising for unravelling a bad number or celebrating in the fact they just got rid of a good number like they have power over what just happened. This is usually accompanied by a "You're a good man X, it's going to be a blue". Their sense of camaraderie is embarrassingly superficial as they over zealously applaud every single action of the player, whether it be a win or a loss. This mismatched group of fuckwits constantly try and create an air of positivity by chanting "Blue, Blue Blue", as if doing so will magically enhance a players luck, when in reality they end up looking like an insane cult.
  • "It's not a game show, it's a real life drama"- Noel Edmonds makes what is in essence an incredibly dull concept a "real life drama" (his words) by encouraging the participants to share their sob stories before their game begins, then exploits this in a rag newspaper fashion throughout the show, siphoning emotion from the participants through the highs and lows of their game. This always climaxes in en masse crying and despair marathon, which makes for some very disturbing viewing.
  • It's a game of probability- Deal or No Deal is nothing more than a game of chance, and anybody that believes otherwise is frankly a fucking moron! There is a 1/22 chance of winning the jackpot, yet the show is dressed up like there's more to it than that, an underlying supernatural aura that somehow conducts the outcome of the game. Players will pick numbers that are loosely significant to them, as if this is a legitimate tactic that will have some bearing on the result. For example"My nan died when I was 13, I'm going to pick 13" or "I'm going for number 5, I have 5 fingers on my hand". The contestants and their odd belief that the collective will of everybody in attendance is going to somehow invoke the desired numbers into a box is absolute madness, and is testament to the level of idiocy present in the studio. There is no strategy or skill involved, this game is literally a guessing game in which idiots are undeservedly awarded money for nothing.
Noel's signature sign off at the end of every hour long emotional battering is "You know you'll be watching next time". No Noel, sadly I won't. I'm just waiting for the day that he takes his insane cult to the fiery depths of hell that this show spawned from by doing a Jonestown.


  1. Was just sitting here, thinking to myself "Are deal or no deal contestants artificially created in some hidden greenhouse somewhere in the brecon beacons?....I was about to blog about Edmunds and his "game show" and how his pseudo-spiritual attitude towards the "game" is nothing short of alarming, and how he looks like a fucking cross between slavic baddy from die hard and one of the ABBA singers.

    I don't need to after reading your well put blog.

  2. Finally someone else who hates this show.

  3. The contestants on Deal Or No Deal are cpmplete twats. Noel Edmunds is another complete twat. The show is viewed by complete twats or people in nursing homes.

  4. I cannot stand the show, my mother absolutely adores it, i don't understand why. For something that is branded a game, its far too serious. My mother will sympathize with the contestants when they have 'dealt' wrong and i say to her why sympathize? These people plan on getting rich by gambling, money that wasn't theirs's in the first place. Its a game show, there are always winners, and there are always losers. Its like someone losing to the lottery, tough sh*t, you will have more sympathy from me if you lose money that you earned the good old fashioned way, earning it yourself! I think the banker is genius, i love it when he laughs, although he maybe a fictional character. But if i do end up watching the show, hes the one i'm always rooting for.

  5. I'm from the U.S., and your version is far better than ours. It was nothing but manufactured drama and idiotic contestants for a little more money ($1 million was the top prize). Morons seriously debating whether the Bank's $300,000 offer was enough money to walk away (they usually went home with about $5,000), and a bunch of awful gimmicks that slowed down the pace of the show.

    Unfortunately, the same gimmicks and production styles have made their way to other American game shows and reality shows. Anytime you see a dramatic pause for something as simple as a pawn shop negotiation, I grit my teeth at this insipid show for starting that damn trend.